"The only sexually level playing field for a fat man is in print and on the phone. That’s the only way I EVER got laid in this life: selling my shit with words. In the realm of thoughts and letters, I can be as sexy and seductive as Eric, the vampire Viking in True Blood. It’s only when I’ve gotta compete in the visible spectrum that I’m revealed as Jabba the Hutt or Quasimodo.

But there are two ways into any person, body or soul: through the heart and through the head. The eye is less reliable, because it only sees—and what you see changes everyday. But shit that’s lodged in your head or heart? That never goes anywhere. It’s not visible, so its an image that’s only corrupted by your own folly. The flesh decays, but memories of a feeling, an insight, an intellectual or spiritual impact? They only burn brighter with time. We race toward the future while we lionize the past. We look ahead for half our lives, then spend the other half looking back. Written or spoken, words are the foundation of reality, so thankfully, within six seconds of that hotel door swinging wide, the heartbreaker announced her true intentions. “Hi, I’m Jennifer Schwalbach with USA Today.”

Kevin Smith on first meeting his wife, and how his words would help him win her love.

"The only sexually level playing field for a fat man is in print and on the phone. That’s the only way I EVER got laid in this life: selling my shit with words. In the realm of thoughts and letters, I can be as sexy and seductive as Eric, the vampire Viking in True Blood. It’s only when I’ve gotta compete in the visible spectrum that I’m revealed as Jabba the Hutt or Quasimodo.

But there are two ways into any person, body or soul: through the heart and through the head. The eye is less reliable, because it only sees—and what you see changes everyday. But shit that’s lodged in your head or heart? That never goes anywhere. It’s not visible, so its an image that’s only corrupted by your own folly. The flesh decays, but memories of a feeling, an insight, an intellectual or spiritual impact? They only burn brighter with time. We race toward the future while we lionize the past. We look ahead for half our lives, then spend the other half looking back. Written or spoken, words are the foundation of reality, so thankfully, within six seconds of that hotel door swinging wide, the heartbreaker announced her true intentions. “Hi, I’m Jennifer Schwalbach with USA Today.”

Kevin Smith on first meeting his wife, and how his words would help him win her love.